The Ultimate Bizarro Holiday Shopping Guide for the Head of the Household

by Lee Widener

What is the “head of the household?” Traditionally defined as the breadwinner in the family, today's families are often not configured in the traditional manner. The head of the household may be female, male, a cat, a bowl of spaghetti, or there may not even be what could be termed a head of the household. But what if the head of the household is, well, a head? I've got you covered. If the head of your household is an actual head, here is the Ultimate Bizarro Gift Guide for your favorite head.

1. The Incredible Two-Headed Transplant / The Thing with Two Heads (Midnite Movies Double Feature) DVD SET
   

   

Are two heads better than one? Not if this two headed pair of movies are to be believed. Both films are simply awash with star power. The Incredible Two-Headed Transplant stars none other than Bruce Dern, featured in several Western films, Silent Running, King of Marvin Gardens and many other movies. He transplants the head of a maniacal killer onto his half-witted son's body and is surprised when things don't go well. Also starring Pat Priest (the second Marilyn Munster) and American Top 40 DJ/voice actor Casey Kasem.

The Thing With Two Heads stars Ray Milland, who many may remember as the star of B-movie masterpiece X – The Man With X-Ray Eyes, and Rosey Grier, ex-football player making a bid for a second career as a pop singer and actor. The fun here stems from the fact the doctor is a racist and he gets the head of a black man sewn onto his body. The fireworks are spectacular, and so are the special effects. In many shots it's painfully obvious Grier is simply standing behind Milland and resting his head on his shoulder.

The Incredible Two-Headed Transplant / The Thing with Two Heads (Midnite Movies Double Feature) 

2. Manster DVD
   

   

In this Japanese/American co-production a second head grows on the body of an experimental test subject. Special effects here are really top notch and the scenes of the incipient new head growing and developing are truly creepy.

Manster DVD 

3. The Brain That Wouldn't Die [Blu-ray]
   

   

In this meditation on misogyny a doctor keeps his fiance's head alive in a tray. She isn't too crazy about this and complains loudly... and endlessly. In a climactic moment when he can stand her constant insults no longer, he tapes her mouth shut! Don't get any ideas of trying this on your own beloved disembodied head however, because she can communicate telepathically, and enlists the help of the mutant in the cage next door, to ensure things end badly for everyone. No use giving your head any ideas.

The Brain That Wouldn't Die [Blu-ray]

4. Eraserhead (The Criterion Collection)
   

   

No collection of head related gifts would be complete without mentioning the most famous head movie of all, Eraserhead. This surrealistic nightmare meditation on the horrors of domesticity gets the ultimate treatment in the Criterion Collection which includes six short films by David Lynch and a making of documentary by Lynch. If your favorite head ever gets too big for its own head, show it this movie.

Eraserhead (The Criterion Collection) 

5. Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia
   

   

This film is a bona fide masterpiece, propelled by Warren Oates' intense performance and Sam Peckinpah's explosive direction. All Oates' character has to do to get a million dollars is deliver the head of the titular character to a Mexican land baron. Raw, savage, and a thing of beauty.

Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia 

6. The Monkees – Head
   

   

The Monkees don't get no respect. Bristling at their reputation as a fake Hollywood recreation of the Beatles they decided the best way to beat that rap was by making a film with Bob Rafelson, best known as the writer of several Jack Nicholson movies. The film is a psychedelic mashup of music and sketches with cameo appearances by Frank Zappa, Dennis Hopper, Annette Funicello, Toni Basil, Victor Mature and many others. Perfect film to make your head's head spin.

The Monkees - Head 

7. Human Head Shaped Handbag.
   

   

Need a way to take your head out in public? Perhaps this handbag shaped like a head will suffice... or maybe not. Well, at least it's stylish!

Human Head Shaped Handbag 

8. Loftus Shrunken Head 4.5" Decoration Prop Black
   

   

Does your disembodied head need companionship when you can't be around? This genuine reproduction of a shrunken head is the perfect companion. Get several- your head is REALLY lonely.

Loftus Shrunken Head 4.5" Decoration Prop Black 

9. Rock N Roll Head Case by Lee Widener
   

   

When Chaino Durante finds the head of a rock and roll icon growing on the end of his arm, he never imagined it would lead to changing not only his outlook on life, but actually change the entire world. The only novella to feature the severed head of a rock star as a main character, your own head is sure to be inspired by this story. Available as a paperback and for Kindle.

Rock N Roll Head Case 

There you have it, friends. The Ultimate Bizarro Holiday Gift Guide for the Head of your Household. Any of the items in this list will make your beloved head love you even more. Happy shopping!