Skin Tape!

Written by Anthony Trevino 

Anyone that knows me well can attest to this fact: If I see a sign that reads KEEP OUT or if someone says, “DON’T GO IN THERE,” chances are I’m going in there with a flashlight and a crowbar. Because there’s still an angry adolescent in me that refuses to be told what to do and I enjoy feeling as if I’ve been exposed to some kind of hidden, off beat treasure, which is why my love-hate relationship with the internet could best be summed up as a Trouble Every Day kind of affair.

Now, granted I haven’t been spelunking in an abandoned house or lurked around the perimeter of a boarded up hotel in a while. However, I have been known to sink hours into following bizarre threads on Reddit and YouTube wherein I find myself shaking my head and saying, “I wish I hadn’t clicked on that.”

It was during one of these time-sinks that I came across Shaye Saint John’s video “Skin Tape.” Now, I should have known better, but what was I going to do? Not watch it? Pfffft. The video opens like an 80s workout tape with text that reads: Modeling Session: Skin Tape. From there I was thrust into two minutes and forty nine seconds of some of the oddest scenes my brain has ever been exposed to.  

I was thrilled. I was terrified. And I watched it again…and again.

The video has the just the right amount of absurdity, comedy, and horror. The production value is pretty much zero and its shot on what I can only assume is a low-definition video camera, which adds to the dirty imagery that plays out on the screen. I was beside myself with uncomfortable joy, and yet, I felt like there was more to what was happening, like I wasn’t’ quite getting the full picture.

So, I went on a mission to find more intel on this individual made up of disparate mannequin parts. See, Shaye used to be a knockout super model that was disfigured in a horrific accident. Following her recovery she created a series of bizarre videos that would lead her to be an underground sensation.  

Knowing about Shaye’s accident put the Skin Tape video in a different perspective. It became less about strange visuals and more about the character trying to cope with the loss of who she used to be. Shaye continues to repeat the same lines over and over. “Skin Tape”—which is just duct tape—and “It’s part of my condition,” along with shots of her rolling around a mountain of empty soda bottles that she refers to as a “Baby Bottle Ball Bath.”

There’s a lot of repetition in the video, as if to display the constant loop that Shaye’s psychosis is stuck in. The skin tape becomes new skin. The condition is her disfigurement. And to be honest, I don’t know what the fuck the Baby Bottle Ball Bath is, but I’ll never forget seeing that face leering at me for the first time from a top the pile of bottles.

And now….neither will you.

*The character of Shaye Saint John was created by Eric Fournier. Unfortunately, Fouriner passed away in 2010 thus ending the saga of Shaye, but leaving a legacy of hilarious terror behind.   

YouTube Curation: Teddy Has an Operation

by Karl Fischer

There's a video called Teddy has an Operation, which you may have heard about. Its creator, Zefrank1, is best known for Sad Cat Diary, Sad Dog Diary, and the True Facts series, all of which are animal themed and comedic in nature. Teddy Has an Operation, which has the second most views of any of his videos, is something else entirely. 

In the video, a teddy bear undergoes an operation to fix whatever condition is ailing him. The doctor cuts him open one layer at a time and addresses each problem that he encounters. Meanwhile, Zefrank1 narrates the proceedings in his gentle, over-enunciated, ambiguously accented voice.

The first time I saw the video, I wept. I just blubbered uncontrollably, fat tears rolling down my face. It's worth noting that I was going through a profoundly difficult period at the time, but the sadness that the video elicited was almost sublime. So much pain and yet it was so goddamn beautiful.

While the video has generated almost 17 million views, the majority of its audience seems to have ignored any potential nuance and gone straight to, "Ewww, are those REAL organs?!" Yes, gentle Youtube simpleton, those are real organ meats that he is cutting into. Now shut the fuck up and let me explain why this is a beautiful portrait of anguish and not just shock fodder for your fucking reaction videos.

How about you just eat a big old bag of dicks instead, you fucking parasite

Teddy is a person rendered as a childlike object. His physical operation is an abstraction of the mental processes taking place. Teddy's Bonbon Layer, the source of his sweetness, is filled with "unhealthy" bonbons. His Play Pouch is almost depleted of sprinkles. What we have is a bear who self-medicates. His depression is running him ragged, unable to play, unable to truly enjoy things. The doctor can treat these symptoms by removing the bad bonbons and adding more sprinkles, but the underlying cause behind all this must be identified.

The veneer of the plaything is stripped away and Teddy's viscera is laid bare. We come to his Crotch Unicorn - the manifestation of his imagination and sexuality, which are intact. The doctor says this a good sign indeed, for Teddy probably has a significant other. Sexual dysfunction in a relationship where a partner is struggling through mental illness is no goddamn joke. Teddy's gangrenous Kidney Crayons are then removed, allowing him to experience empathy for others once again, instead of just feeling sorry for himself. His Courage Sack is opened and we find it riddled with fear. Teddy is afraid, and the only cure is to transmogrify this fear into a more helpful motivation - curiosity. It is here that the unusual juxtaposition of tone and imagery begins to crystalize, forming the portrait of a sick and anxious patient. It is not absurd, but melancholy, mindful.

The last thing we come to is Teddy's Heart. Before seeking treatment, Teddy likely doubted his own authenticity as a sensate creature. Irrational fear does horrible things to a person and can take on a life of its own. Backed by depression, anhedonia, and loss of empathy, relentless fear tells the mind that the good feelings it seeks are not genuine, that it has no love, that it never did. It was only ever a construct, one that was kept alive by coincidence and circumstance. And now, that circumstance is gone, says the fear. This is who you truly are and what you are meant to experience. Forever.  

Teddy's Heart is undeniable proof that the fear is wrong. "Look how big it is," says the narrator. "Look how much love Teddy has." Contrary to his fears, Teddy harbors an abundance of emotion. And at the center of all that emotion and love, his Heart's Heart, broken by a Bad Boy, as the doctor reveals. "What did the Bad Boy do, Teddy?" opines the narrator. "Oh, Teddy." The why of it all is not important, only that a catalyst was buried deep inside, left to fester and rot. In itself, the Bad Boy need not represent heartbreak, or even a person. Memories and thought processes build a tower inside us, and can grow crooked, sometimes losing support and causing great damage. Memories cannot be replaced, but the unhelpful thought processes which promulgate suffering can be, as is with Teddy when he is given a "new child" to love.

The operation is pronounced a success. We end with Teddy in a hospital bed, stitched and dressed in bloody bandages. The narrator says goodnight, sweet and sorrowful. Teddy will be alright and so will we.

YouTube Curation: What Monsters May Come

by Karl Fischer

I was approached by my editor, Garrett Cook, with a special assignment: "Write a piece of flash fiction[...] and read it as your pug rampages across some wargame scenery. Film this." I hadn't made a film since before I could drive, but having more than once considered exploiting the dog's cuteness for fame and profit on YouTube, I decided that this would be a splendid project. "All in all, it's maybe two hours work," continued Garrett, in what I would now call a laughably optimistic calculation (either that or he had something a little more "gonzo" in mind).

Considering that I had only Windows Movie Maker, a smartphone, and a headset at my disposal, I'd say the final product turned out significantly less shitty than one might have reasonably expected. Actually, it's amazing what you can produce with a little ingenuity and some cheap technology. The "wargame scenery" that Garrett references indicates that he thinks I'm a giant Warhammer 40k nerd. I mean, I WAS, but I certainly never had my own tabletop scenery. It would have been nice, though. So, I went with the next best thing: nipple-topped chess pieces from my Cow Chess Game. 

Honestly, getting the pug to "rampage" through my little cardboard and cow udder prop was a greater challenge than anticipated. Dogs are never bashful about getting all up in your shit when it's least convenient, but if you've planned for it, somehow they've got better things to do. Below, you will find some unedited footage regarding this phenomenon.

There were THREE milkbone pieces in that city. What is her fucking problem? Anyway, making movies takes a lot of work, even when they're only 2 minutes long and purposefully crappy. But I loved the whole thing and you can bet I'll be making more.